Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
If you’re reading this, that means we successfully made it to the year 2025.
As we embark on a new year, many of us are thinking of all of the things we want to change in the coming months.
Some of those changes might fall into the parenting category.
If you’re anything like me, you messed up a lot as a parent in 2024. You probably yelled a few times, had a few meltdowns, were not as invested as you could have been, engaged in general bossiness, et cetera.
It’s great to want to make changes in one’s life, but I like to think of the new year as a time for reflection, as opposed to a chance to hit a giant reset button. As part of this time of reflection, I want to look back at the things I’m proud. In addition to positive change, I want to focus on doubling down on some of the good stuff. So, I am going to share some of the good stuff.
This may sound like humble bragging, but I swear it’s not. Like most parents, I’m really hard on myself. This column and the reflections in it are more of an exercise in forced self-recognition. With all the demands of modern parenting, I think a lot of us are more likely to feel like failures than powerhouses. And don’t we owe it to our kids to be powerhouses?
So, with only an iota of humble bragging, here are the things I got right as a parent in 2024. May this exercise of self-recognition help me do more of those things in 2025.
• We went outside, a lot
Our family got outside together a lot this year. We splashed in creeks and caught crayfish. We swam at the beach and played in the sand. We listened to waterfalls and collected rocks. We marveled at trees and collected acorn caps. We dug clay out of creek beds. We gathered round the fire pit. I don’t think it’s possible to get outside too much.
• I actively listened when I asked how their days were
When I asked them how their days were, I listened. I asked gentle questions back. I was genuinely curious. I’m surprised how much they shared with me.
• I did a lot of boring crafts with them
We took time to create things. We didn’t do anything complicated or expensive, but we put our hands and minds to use to create things. Sometimes those things went in the trash a few days later, but it wasn’t about the result, it was about the process.
• I limited screen time (most of the time)
This one is so hard to do. Phones, video games and streaming services are all designed to be addictive. My husband and I set timers, enforced rules and followed through. This made our kids grumpier for a few minutes and happier for hours.
• We read together
We snuggled in bed and read books. We sat on the back porch and read books. We enjoyed each other’s quiet company. We asked each other about our books.
• I asked them how they really felt
I let them be honest with me about their feelings and reactions. I asked them to explain their angers and frustrations (after things calmed down). We reflected on what we could have done differently. Sometimes it went terribly. Other times, we really heard and saw each other.
• We went to concerts, museums, musicals and sporting events together
We took in culture from so many different angles. We experienced different venues and scenes. We talked about expectations for behavior. We talked about fun stuff and complicated stuff. Mostly, we learned and had fun.
• We made homemade food together
I want my kids to understand the value, joy and health associated with homemade food. Although they sometimes joined me begrudgingly, that didn’t last for long. Pretty soon they found fascination and pride in preparing food.
• I made them do tough things for themselves
Let’s face it, it’s so much easier to help kids do tough things. We all have limited time and it’s more efficient to take things into our own hands. But, sometimes, I left room for them to take on difficult things and mess up. Childhood is not meant for efficiency, no matter how much the world demands it.
• I took time away for date nights with my partner
I firmly believe that couples need to nurture their own relationship. It can’t be all about the kids or things will fall apart without you even noticing. My husband and I did things together, even if that meant sneaking out to the backyard and sipping wine while the kids watched a movie.
• I let them be bored
The funny thing about boredom is that it leads to curiosity. It’s hard to be curious when every second of your life is planned or scheduled. I made time for boredom in their lives and they did some pretty cool things (after they stopped whining, of course).
There you have it. If you made it this far, may I suggest you write down your own list of things you did right as a parent in 2024. Out with the old and in with the new should only be applied to the areas of life where you missed the mark. And, let’s face it, most of us probably got higher marks than we give ourselves credit for.