By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
February is the month of love. So please allow me to put my rose-colored glasses on for this month’s column.
I want to reflect on the most beautiful parts of the toddler and preschool years, because there were a lot of them.
Don’t get me wrong. Those years were really tough. I remember the impossible meltdowns. I remember being in a state of high alert and constant vigilance. I remember swiping strange things out of kids’ mouths and potty time. I remember not sitting down much or finishing many adult conversations. I remember crying in the bathroom when I felt overwhelmed. I remember losing my cool and hating myself for it. I remember feeling incredibly ill-equipped and wondering if I would ever get things right.
Those were some very trying years. If you are currently in the midst of them, I’m not going to tell you these are the best years of your life or that you should stop feeling overwhelmed, angry or exhausted. When people say things like this, I think their hearts are in the right place. However, they are being dismissive and failing to recognize the complexities of the parenting experience. I encourage parents of toddlers to feel how you need to feel at any given moment.
What I will do instead, is share what I still carry with me from my kids’ younger years. It’s been a decade since my oldest was a toddler. But I often think about moments from her and her brother’s younger years. Many of those moments still give me joy. Those memories can turn around a bad day. Those memories are treasures beyond value.
My hope is that by sharing these fond memories, I can help parents in the midst of the trying toddler years find some pockets of joy.
Joy can help you through the exhausting days. It is lifeblood.
• Beautiful moment: The way my kids mispronounced or misused words
My daughter had the most wonderful way of saying owl. I will be 80 years old and still hear her little voice mispronouncing that word in the most beautiful way. My son called his lacrosse pads his armor. There was no correcting him. When he suited up for the field, he was going to fight and needed his armor.
• Beautiful moment: The way they took my hand in public
There comes a point where kids don’t want to hold hands with their parents anymore, which is good. But every once in a while, I still reach for their hands when walking through a parking lot. I miss the days where I could protect them from most of the dangers in the world.
• Beautiful moment: The way they brought all of their problems to me
As annoying as all-encompassing reports from toddlers and preschoolers can be, I miss the days where I knew almost everything about their lives. It was nice to solve most of their problems. Things were less complex then. Coaching kids to solve their middle-school problems is tough. I miss the days when a kiss took most of the pain away.
• Beautiful moment: Dressing them in adorable clothes
Sure, my kids fought me to wear their favorite clothes when they were young. But I got to pick out most of those clothes. I’m glad my kids are picking out their own clothes nowadays and finding themselves. But every once in a while, I wish I could put them in something adorable.
• Beautiful moment: When they said something funny that I should not have laughed at
This still happens, but not in the same way. Kids get edgier as kids get older. I miss the days when my children said something so obstinate or clairvoyant that I had to laugh. Granted, I had to direct them afterward, but I usually appreciated their fiery spirits.
• Beautiful moment: When they brought me simple gifts
My kids used to bring me special presents on almost every walk we took. I have a tin of these presents. They brought me things like the first flowers in spring. A special rock. A leaf with a spot of color. Those gifts were from the heart and given without the expectation of anything but a smile in return.
• Beautiful moment: When they found pure joy in the simplest things
I remember my kids finding temporary, all-consuming joy in the simplest things. An unusually large apple. A towering cone of ice cream. A squirrel being a squirrel. My kids still do this, but it’s not an hourly occurrence. If you have young kids, I really encourage you to find the joy that they find and experience it with them. That is one piece of advice I will stand by.
• Beautiful moment: The way they belly-laughed
Belly laughs are one of the greatest gifts a child has to share with the world. I remember my son laughing in public places and strangers joining him, because they simply could not help themselves. I remember my daughter telling nonsensical jokes and cracking herself up and others joining in the fun. Those belly laughs are a treasure. They are the medicine for the tantrums.
I hope this list of memories helps parents find a little extra joy when they are in the toddler and preschool trenches. Because, as a parent, you should be allowed to feel all of the emotions and do so without guilt.