Practical tips, advice and hope for those who live alone
By Gwenn Voelckers
Every Thanksgiving, I try to pause and count my blessings: family, friends, health and the freedom to live life on my own terms.
But I’ve also learned that gratitude isn’t just about what we say yes to. It’s also about what we politely, but firmly, decline.
One year, I remember standing in the kitchen, fielding one too many questions about my single status, smiling through the awkwardness. That Thanksgiving, I was saying yes to everything — to overcommitment, people-pleasing and second helpings I didn’t even want.
I began to realize that my peace of mind deserved its own serving of “No thank you.”
So now, every November, along with counting what I’m grateful for, I make a short list of what I’m not inviting to the table.
Here’s this year’s list — feel free to borrow what resonates with you or create a list of your own.
Say “No thank you” to feeling sorry for yourself.
You’ve made it through a lot — maybe even more than you thought you could. Self-pity only keeps you stuck, while self-compassion moves you forward. Take credit for your courage and resilience.
Say “No thank you” to isolation.
It’s easy to hibernate when the days grow shorter, but connection is the antidote to loneliness.
Call a friend, invite a neighbor over to try a new recipe together or take a walk with someone who makes you laugh. Togetherness is powerful medicine.
Say “No thank you” to clutter and chaos.
A messy home can weigh on your spirit. Clear a counter, make your bed, or donate those old sweaters and shoes clogging your closet.
I just spent 20 minutes organizing my medicine cabinet. I feel like a new person! A little order can lift your mood more than you’d expect.
Say “No thank you” to the couch.
Move your body — gently, joyfully, regularly. You don’t have to run marathons; a brisk walk or a little dancing in the kitchen will do wonders for your mind and body.
Lately, I’ve been marching in place and doing squats and standing planks while my coffee is brewing. It takes about four minutes and it jump starts my day!
Say “No thank you” to over-spending.
The holiday sales will try to lure you in, but financial peace is a far greater gift than anything that arrives in a box. Remember last year when you splurged on that high-performance blender that now sits in your cupboard?
Buy thoughtfully; your future self will thank you.
Say “No thank you” to settling for less — especially in relationships.
Loneliness can make even the wrong company seem appealing. Instead, choose patience over panic. Use this time to build confidence and clarity; the right people are drawn to wholeness, not neediness.
My friend Michelle waited nine months for someone who truly aligned with her values; and when he finally appeared, she found contentment.
Say “No thank you” to cereal for dinner.
Creating a pleasant “table for one” is a great opportunity to focus on yourself and to nourish your body and spirit at the same time.
Set the table, light a candle, use your favorite dishes, and make a meal that sustains you. As the saying goes, “You’re worth it.”
Say “No thank you” to negative self-talk.
No more, “I’ll never find love again” or “I hate my aging body.” Change the script: be kind, encouraging, forgiving. You’ll start believing it — and others will, too.
Say “No thank you” to letting yourself go.
You’re still you: vibrant, valuable, and visible. How you look says a lot about you and how you value yourself. Spend a few minutes on your appearance and put on that outfit that makes you feel good about yourself.
Dressing with intention isn’t vanity; it’s vitality. And it can draw people and compliments your way.
Say “No thank you” to energy drainers.
Steer clear of chronic complainers and critics. Surround yourself with people who laugh easily, listen well and lift your spirits. Joy is contagious; so is gloom. Choose wisely.
Say “No thank you” to helplessness.
You’re more capable than you think. Learning to master things around the house — from making minor repairs to hiring a contractor, from changing the furnace filter to winterizing your car — can be a real source of satisfaction and self-pride.
Every small mastery builds confidence and independence. And can make you a more interesting person.
And finally, say “No thank you” to that second piece of pie.
(Unless it’s my Aunt Mable’s pumpkin pie.) Enough said.
This Thanksgiving, may your “yeses” be joyful — and your “no thank yous” be powerful.
Happy “No-Thanks” Giving!
Gwenn Voelckers is a certified life coach (CLC), columnist and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. She welcomes your comments, questions, and inquiries at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com