The holidays can leave some of us resenting the ‘ho, ho, ho’ and instead suppressing the urge to scream ‘no, no, no’
By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
The December holidays are upon us.
With all of the demands, a lot of parents find themselves lacking in holiday energy and spirit.
It’s not that holidays aren’t great; it’s that they can come with a lot of unnecessary nonsense. The emotional and physical garbage that accompanies the holidays can leave some of us resenting the “ho, ho, ho” and instead suppressing the urge to scream “no, no, no.”
Admittedly, a lot of the stress and nonsense is due to expectations us parents put on ourselves. In an effort to make the holidays purposeful and memorable for our kids, many of us expect too much of ourselves and put up with too much garbage. In doing so, we inadvertently suck the joy and magic out of our own holidays.
This year, to make holidays merry and bright for us parents, I have some advice for putting the holiday garbage where it belongs: right on the curb. This year, parents should speak up and limit the following types of holiday nonsense in our lives:
• The physical “garbage” made by receiving too many gifts.
• The emotional “garbage” guilt felt by not having enough money for gifts.
• The “garbage” pressure of giving our kids the coolest and best gifts (at any cost).
• The “garbage” guilt felt for enjoying holiday treats.
• The “garbage” pressure of trying to be everything to everyone.
• The “garbage” guilt of being unable to say no.
• The “garbage” pressure of hosting perfect holiday gatherings
• The “garbage” treatment of family and friends at said holiday gatherings.
Getting rid of this holiday trash is much easier said than done. It often involves self-management, proper boundary setting, and breaking cycles. Practicing such things is difficult at the best of times. When we are under holiday pressure, it can feel impossible.
Here are some tips for overcoming the pressures of the season.
• Set boundaries about the appropriate amount of gifts for a child — After generations of scarcity, most of our minds want to collect goods. The thing is, stuff makes a kid happy for a few minutes. After that, many gifts just become physical and emotional clutter. Collecting more things is bad for the soul and the Earth. Teach kids that a few thoughtful gifts are far better than a lot of gifts. Then, let your actions mirror your words.
• Set expectations with your children about how many gifts you can afford — Some of us can’t afford much this holiday season. If times are lean, focus on what you can give your kids. I don’t remember almost any gift I received as a child. But I still remember making chocolate peanut butter balls with my grandma every year, making cookies with my mom, and listening to my dad sing in the choir. The gifts that last a lifetime don’t usually cost much.
• Set boundaries for expensive, trendy and over-the-top gifts — Most of the trendiest and expensive gifts have a very short lifespan. Technology becomes outdated. Fads fade. The “best of the best” is replaced every couple of years. Spending a bunch of money doesn’t make for holiday magic. It makes for disposable memories.
• Eat the treats and savor them — To heck with the guilt of eating holiday treats. We want to take care of our bodies, but moderation is the key to happiness. Don’t feel bad for eating an extra delicious cookie. Drink the calorie-laden eggnog. Put homemade whipped cream on your pie. Guilt looks bad on you.
• Prioritize your own joy and wellbeing — We all know that if our joy bucket is empty, we can’t make joy. Make sure you do some things this holiday that actually fill your cup. Have a holiday dance party. Make a silly craft. Prioritize going to the gym or going to bed early over shopping for the very best deals. Creating magic for your family takes energy.
• Say no to things that are too much or don’t feel good — Don’t be afraid to say no to things. If you don’t have energy to set up 25 mischief events for the elf, don’t. If a family or friend engagement is just too much, say no. Don’t feel obligated to spend the holidays with people who regularly make you feel bad or sad. Set a good example for your kids this season.
• Only host gatherings if you want to and set clear expectations for attendees — Hosting friends and family can be a beautiful gift, but you need to be clear about expectations. Clearly communicate where, when and how long a gathering will be. Be clear about what people are expected to contribute. If you are hosting people who aren’t good with boundaries, have difficult conversations up front. Set yourself up for success.
• Remind your kids what the holidays are really about — It’s not a cliche; it’s real. No matter your race, creed or religion, the holidays are a special time with special meaning. The holidays are about time with loved ones, good food, charity and giving. Whatever the hallmarks of your holiday are, set your sights on them and do things that keep you and the family on that path.
As parents, we are teachers during the holidays. We decide if the holidays will be about spending time together, sharing and love or if they will be filled with unnecessary garbage. Treat yourself and your family to less trash this season.