By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
Somehow, the 2026-27 school year is upon us. So, it’s time for our kids to return to a world of structure, education and rules.
Most kids know the rules at school.
They know they should be respectful and composed. They know where cell phones belong. They are aware of rules of conduct and how failing to meet those rules can affect them in school.
But as our kids head back to school this year, I propose that we offer them some less traditional and more worldly advice, some new rules for school, as it were.
Perhaps we should discuss rules for soft skills, because growing soft skills is vitally important to growing up. If our kids are struggling personally, socially or emotionally, it is hard for them to get the education they deserve.
Here are my new rules for school. With the right parental context, these rules can apply to kindergartners and college students. I’m going to review these rules with my kids before they head back to the classroom. Maybe, if I listen and remain empathetic, I can help them.
It’s OK to say no
Saying yes to everything can be a recipe for exhaustion and frustration. We should empower our kids to say no. Saying no in a respectful and reasonable way can be the difference between prospering and failing. Let’s normalize saying no to things like participating in every club, accepting every invite, accepting every request, people who make us feel bad, and any other situation that would benefit from proper boundaries.
Hang with people who act like they like you
We should remind our kids how important it is to spend time with people who actually act as if they like you. Anyone can say they’re a friend, but our kids should spend time with people who show they are friends. Our kids should hang out with people who enjoy spending time with them, don’t make jokes at another’s expense and consistently act friendly.
You don’t have to be great in every subject
A lot of kids struggle in a subject or two. It’s OK to not excel at something. The idea that a kid should be a great performer in every subject isn’t realistic. Sure, our kids should put meaningful effort to get better at things they are bad at. But sometimes getting a mediocre grade is a sign of great effort (and perfectly normal).
It’s OK to be mediocre at something you enjoy
There is a lot of pressure on kids to be great at everything they do. Whether it’s music, drama, art, sports or academic clubs, there is pressure to be excellent at it. What happened to doing something simply because one enjoys it? You don’t have to be good at something to be nurtured by it.
Don’t put up with mean people
Too often, kids put up with mean behavior from other kids. We should encourage our kids to not accept shoddy behavior from anyone, whether that person is a friend, a foe or a staff number. We should coach our kids on how to set safe boundaries when someone is mean to them.
Not everyone is going to like you (and that is good)
Most kids and teens want to be liked by just about everyone. That isn’t realistic and being a people-pleaser is a surefire way to deplete oneself. We should remind our kids that as long as they are respectful to others, they don’t need to be likeable. There will always be people who don’t like us; that’s normal. Kids this age want to fit in — and being rejected hurts. But we can be a sounding board for them when things get tough.
You should try new things
We should encourage our kids to step outside their comfort zones. That could mean trying new activities, talking to new people, trying a new course or volunteering for something completely unexpected. We should coach our kids on getting comfortable with new experiences and being OK with that new experience not working out.
Practice standing up for others
When our kids see a peer being bullied or otherwise belittled, it can make them feel scared and powerless. We should encourage our kids to practice standing up for others, even outsiders. Standing up to someone powerful is really difficult. But we should coach our kids on how to be advocates in a safe and effective manner.
Practice standing up for yourself
As hard as it is to stand up for someone else, it’s even harder to stand up for yourself. We should listen to our kids when they discuss times they felt scared, embarrassed, mortified or in danger. Teaching our kids to not tolerate abuse, disrespect and dismissiveness is really hard, but it’s wildly essential.
Know when to butt out
Schools, like life, are full of drama. We should talk to our kids about learning when to (and when not to) involve themselves in drama. It can be hard to disentangle oneself from a big problem. But we all need to learn when we need to stay objective and float above the fray. We parents also should practice butting out and letting them navigate socially difficult situations.
So, there are my ideas on some new rules for school. I hope I’m successful at working on even half of them with my own kids.