Latest figures show more than 3,300 women were victims of domestic violence in Monroe, Ontario and Wayne counties
By Deborah Jeanne Post
The rates of domestic violence in the region have remained relatively stable since 2019.
The most recent figures from New York State Division of Criminal Justice Services are for 2024. Monroe, Ontario and Wayne counties reported 3,302 cases with women as victims, nearly three times the number of male-as-victim cases (804).
The tri-county figure for 2019 was 3,628 for female victims and 848 for male victims. The cases include aggravated assault, simple assault, sex offense and violation of protection order.
Women were much more often than men victims of aggravated assault, which often involves weapons and more significant injuries.
Over the lifespan, 1 in 3 women experience at least one incident of domestic violence as do 1 in 10 men, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
“I feel like for the last couple of years, the rates have held steady,” said Rachel Gregory, deputy director at Safe Harbors of the Finger Lakes.
The organization serves Seneca, Yates and Ontario counties. Gregory said that Safe Harbors served 1,281 unique clients in 2025 and 1,310 in 2024, indicating a plateau in numbers after COVID-19. As for why the numbers have not decreased, Gregory blamed the unstable economy.
“Victims don’t have many options,” she said. “The rental market is high. It makes it hard to leave situations where potentially it’s not as stable. The cost of living like for food has gone up.”
She added that statistics from Safe Harbors only include people who have reached out to the organization for help. Figures from the New York State Division of Criminal Justice Services only include cases that involved law enforcement.
“It’s a hard thing to know because domestic violence can happen silently in someone’s home,” Gregory said. “There have been a lot of awareness initiatives, so people know there are options. There will always be victims who don’t reach out.”
Obviously, perpetrators of domestic violence hide their behavior but what surprises many people is that victims also work to conceal it as well. This can happen in part because of concern that others will not believe them, lack of resources to leave the relationship, fear of being alone and worries about what will happen to their children.
It’s easy to think that victims should simply leave the first time they experience violence. However, the dynamics behind domestic violence are much more complex. Typically, perpetrators “love bomb” their victims early in the relationship. They give costly presents, behave in a thoughtful, caring fashion and spend lots of time with their victims. They slowly work to isolate victims from potential sources of criticism about the relationship — third parties who know the victim well and can more objectively judge the emerging power imbalance. What begins as the perpetrator’s helpful tips slowly morphs into harsh criticism. Gifts become leverage. The abuser uses coercion to control the victim.
As the victim becomes enmeshed with the perpetrator financially and emotionally, cognitive dissonance settles in. The early behavior doesn’t match the current behavior. It’s hard for victims to see the pattern of violent behavior when it is punctuated by periods of good behavior. This element can feel very confusing. The intermittent kindness and thoughtfulness clashes with the violent outbursts that can include physical violence, emotional abuse and spiritual abuse.
Abusers often engage in gaslighting, which is more than lying. Gaslighting involves “rewriting” past events and claiming that the victim is forgetful, mentally unfit or lying until the victim feels small, helpless and unsure.
Many victims miss the so-called red flags early in the relationship because early on, abusers foster a sense of closeness by sharing personal details — often exaggerated or untrue — so victims share their own vulnerabilities. Unfortunately, what victims have done is unwittingly hand over to the abuser the very best ways to exploit them. Once victims are married and they share children, it is much harder to leave.
Making people more aware of how violent relationships work is one way Safe Harbors of the Finger Lakes works to reduce domestic violence. Gregory said school programming talks about what safe relationships look like, who to call for help, what happens to people seeking help and if that resource doesn’t help what to do next.
For people who call Safe Harbors, operators treat the call as informational, not like a police report.
“No one has to make any decisions when they call us,” Gregory said. “It’s OK to call and ask. Our resources change from time to time. We may have things that you don’t know we have. We can help develop a safety plan. You don’t even have to tell us who you are. There’s no commitment when you make that phone call.”
Calling Safe Harbors or a similar group can help victims learn about legal, law enforcement and housing resources that can help. The organization also hosts support groups for people who are considering leaving their relationship and for those who have already left.
“We have a shelter and housing team that can help individuals with deciding whether it’s economically feasible to make these decisions and can help them work on a budget and help them find permanent housing,” Gregory said.
One barrier to many people is if they have pets. Most affordable apartments have strict no-pet policies. Those that allow pets usually permit only one cat or only a small dog. Gregory said that working with animal shelters to provide no-adoption foster services has helped more victims leave domestic violence. That’s just one aspect of the safety plan Safe Harbors helps victims address.
Economic stability can also keep people in domestic violence relationships. Many people need two incomes to maintain a household. Stay-at-home parents may have been out of the workforce for decades and lack skills to earn a viable income. Safe Harbors is working on a housing program in 2027 that will help provide safe places for survivors and also programs to help survivors learn employment skills.
Some victims seek help from their faith leader and receive unhelpful advice such as “Pray him through it” or “If you submit to him, he will lead you” or “God hates divorce so you cannot leave” or “Why can’t you two just get marriage counseling?” Worse still is when faith leaders believe that they can simply talk to the perpetrator and straighten things out. This can result in rapid escalation of violence.
Unfortunately, viewing domestic violence through a lens of normal psychology does not work. Many batterers who finish batterer counseling never stop battering. Most never begin such therapy (unless mandated) because they do not believe they are the problem. They think that if only their partner would stop provoking them, they wouldn’t “need” to batter. In faith communities, some abusive men believe that their family leadership role obligates them to dominate their wives by physical force if necessary.
“It’s really important for those faith leaders to get education on what domestic violence looks like and the way that some of those old thoughts can really make someone feel isolated and decrease the likelihood of someone seeking help,” Gregory said. “Faith is important to people and no one wants to feel like they’re disappointing their faith community. It seems like the leaders feel like they’re doing what’s best but it’s a lack of education.”
Leaving the relationship is hard because once the couple’s mutual friends find out what’s going on, the friends inevitably feel obligated to pick sides. Who’s telling the truth? What really happened? Abusers often try to make victims appear overly dramatic, untruthful or vengeful to excuse their behavior and further isolate victims from support. Victims may fear that once they speak up about the abuse they will lose all their friends.
Gregory said that in the 20 years that she has worked in domestic violence, she has observed a positive shift in how young people view boundaries, communication and respect. Nonetheless, she warned that “if you have a neighbor you’re worried about, you should ask if you haven’t seen them out and about.”
Do not try to force a possible victim to talk about what’s happening or make a decision but state that if domestic violence were happening, you would be willing to listen, not talk with others about it and if wanted, help. That kind of support can help victims feel safe.
Anyone who thinks that they or a friend or family member may be a victim should reach out to the Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence at 800-942-6906 (call) or 844-997-2121 (text).
Domestic Violence Resources
Local resources include:
YMCA Domestic Violence Services, Syracuse, operations@ywca-syracuse.org (315) 424-0040
Salvation Army Women’s Shelter, Syracuse, 315-472-0947
Oswego County Opportunities OCO Crisis Hotlines, info@oco.org, 315-342-1600
Vera House, Syracuse, 315-425-0818