By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
2026 is upon us. We parents have some heavy lifting to do. This is the year we should be coaching our kids on how to be responsible, knowledgeable and capable adults.
I often hear people talk about how incompetent, incapable and naive kids are today. If that is true, we have no one to blame but ourselves. If they do not know how to do things, we are failing to teach them independence, critical thinking and accountability.
As a parent to a tween and teen, I know first-hand how hard it is to instill these things in kids. We are all busy, stretched thin and juggling hectic schedules. It’s so much easier to just take care of things ourselves. But when we consistently make that choice, we lose opportunities to teach our kids valuable life skills and independence.
We need to start incorporating our kids into more aspects of everyday life. We need to give them responsibilities and watch them fail. We need to create a non-judgmental space where they can ask dumb questions, make safe mistakes and not be rescued.
Here are some ideas for letting children do exactly that.
▪ Let them cook their own food (and clean up their own food mess)
This goes for boys and girls. Preparing food is a life skill. We shouldn’t send our kids out into the world without knowing how to shop for and prepare a meal. They also need to learn how to clean up after themselves.
▪ Take them with you when you do adult stuff
No kid is dying to go to the bank, the car repair shop or appliance shopping. But, kids need to learn how to navigate everyday problems, responsibilities and annoyances. Let them listen in while you make an important phone call. Show them how you recognize spam messages. Make them ride shotgun on life admin tasks.
▪ Drop them off in public places and let them wander alone
I know this is controversial, but kids need to learn to operate without parental supervision. Each parent knows their kid and what that kid can handle. Within reason, they need to learn how to self-regulate and solo-navigate in public.
▪ When they make mistakes, discuss the consequences later
Many parents issue consequences in the heat of the moment. If we pause and issue consequences after we calm down, we can hand down logical consequences that are actually effective. We can also try to have productive discussions.
▪ Give them chores (without payment)
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with giving kids money when they go above-and-beyond around the house. But, kids need to understand that cooking, cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping and other household chores are part of being a family. We all have a responsibility to each other in our tiny communities.
▪ Send them to run errands
We should let our children accomplish minor and mundane tasks. Errands are part of life. Children need to learn how to mentally incorporate errands and responsibilities into their routines. They need to learn to make time for the mundane but necessary.
▪ Don’t rush in to solve problems at school or with friends
In an effort to raise emotionally intelligent children, sometimes we parents over-involve ourselves. We need to stand back, let them trust their instincts and let them fail. We can be there for them without thinking for them.
▪ Coach them on acting respectfully, even when angry or hurt
We all feel hurt, sad and angry. Those are tough emotions, no matter how old you are. However, we need to teach our kids to feel those emotions while acting respectfully. We need to teach kids they are responsible for their own emotions and own actions.
▪ Talk to them about money
If kids have no concept of money, we have no one to blame but ourselves. We should be talking to them about money, budgeting and finances. We should not let them overbuy or over-demand. We owe them a reality check when it comes to how much things cost and how difficult it is to financially maintain a household.
▪ Let them be disappointed and miss out
With the best of intentions, many parents try to give their children opportunities and advantages they never had. However, I think we should be careful about giving them too much and running everyone ragged. You can’t do everything, win at everything and over-optimize life. It’s necessary to miss out on things and feel disappointed. Let’s normalize difficult feelings.
▪ Have them help with the invisible work
Have them help with meal planning, buying birthday gifts, restocking the toilet paper, salting the sidewalk, cleaning the pet bowls and all of the other hundreds of things we parents do to keep life on track and our homes healthy and safe.
Doing any one of these things is a lot easier said than done. It’s going to take discipline, cycle-breaking and some good-old-fashioned gumption. But, I believe in the parents and grandparents of today. I know we all want a better future — for ourselves, our children and society. We all want to raise capable adults who take responsibility for themselves and care for those around them. Let’s make 2026 the year of raising the next generation to be capable and independent.