By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
Unless you live under a rock, at the bottom of an ocean, on a planet in a galaxy far away from here, you have noticed that our beloved country is in a state of political turmoil.
Almost no one feels safe. Almost everyone is finger-pointing and people are scared of what lies ahead.
It’s a difficult time to be an adult. But it’s probably even harder to be a kid. Imagine if the adults in your life were scared of where this country was headed. Imagine hearing this country’s leaders demonize people who don’t agree with them.
Imagine passively (or actively) being taught that people from certain political parties are enemies from within and dangerous to the health and well-being of this nation. Imagine worrying that you or people you love could be harmed for personal beliefs.
That climate is downright scary, no matter your age. I doubt most kids think America is the best country on Earth. I doubt kids have confidence that the adults in their lives are working to create a better future for the next generation.
Instead, through our spewing of ignorance, anger, hatred and fear, we are likely creating a generation of people who are willing to embrace apathy as a survival mechanism. Or even worse, we’re creating a generation of people who have reason to fear, distrust, discredit and demonize everyone who isn’t like them.
We adults need a major reality check.
While many of us are busy annihilating respectful discourse, the art of compromise and forward progress, our kids are innocent bystanders. They’re watching the fall of a nation that has forgotten how to love thy neighbor and serve the greater good. They’re watching the demise of family, community and diversity. They’re watching decades of slow progress be destroyed by a wrecking ball embossed with the slogan “I’m right and you’re stupid.”
So what do we do about it? I don’t pretend to have a magic wand or the perfect answers. What I do have is hope—hope that we adults can live up to the ideals we were taught as children. What we do in front of our kids matters. It’s time to start acting like it.
Here are the challenges I am putting in front of myself over the next few months. As a family, we will:
• Deep dive into a stance I don’t agree with:
There are plenty of topics where I believe that morally, I am in the right. The family and I will examine one of those topics from an opposite perspective. My family needs to learn that people on two sides of a debate likely both believe they are being moral.
• Explain the earnest fears of someone with whom I don’t agree:
When I disagree with someone, it’s often because we have different thoughts about what the outcome of a decision will be. We both fear something bad will happen. The family and I need to work to understand the other person’s fear and where it stems from.
• Explain that big problems aren’t black and white:
Sometimes, we try to simplify things for our kids. In doing that, we often make things clearly right or wrong. We all know it’s not that easy. The family and I need to keep exploring nuance.
• Discuss an issue where forward progress is needed through compromise:
The only way forward is to work together with people whom we disagree with. I need to explain to my kids why compromise is an art that makes beautiful outcomes.
• Discuss that compromising means giving up something important to you:
My kids need to learn that being entrenched in your beliefs can just make you sink to new lows. We need to discuss what we would be willing to give up to make progress on an issue.
• Stop putting people I don’t agree with under one big umbrella:
My family and I need to remove catch-all terms from our vocabulary. People are complex and nuanced. We need to remember that (most) affiliations don’t define an entire person. Lumping people into groups makes it easy to dehumanize them.
• Teach my kids the art of standing strong while being civil and merciful:
There are certain things one should never compromise on. There will be times when you have to take a hard stance and protect others. When these times arise, emotions are high. But, we have to discuss how to stand up for what you believe in without losing your grace and humanity.
• This is going to be a monumental challenge:
It will be extremely hard to take these steps and model more positive behaviors. It’s so easy to go down the “holier than thou” road and hop on the “my anger got the better of me” expressway. But we have to be role models. We have to teach our children how to strive for high ideals without allowing casualties in our pursuit.
Our children don’t deserve a scorched United States. We need to step up and work together to make a better future for our kids. Blaming the “other side” isn’t going rescue us. Our elected officials aren’t going to rescue us. It starts at home. It starts with us reclaiming our own humanity by seeing it in everyone, even the people we can’t stand. Because if we fail to stand up for the rights of others, our kids are in store for a gross inheritance.