Practical tips, advice and hope for those who live alone
By Gwenn Voelckers
I remember the first time I hosted a gathering on my own after my divorce. It was a holiday party, and — no surprise — most of my guests were married. I worried I would feel like the proverbial third wheel at my own event.
On top of that, I was afraid my house would be too crowded, my seating too sparce, and the idea of entertaining without someone at my side felt … well, overwhelming.
Who would replenish drinks and the cheese board while I greeted people at the door? What if I ran out of ice or the music stopped or someone spilled wine on the rug?
For too long, I avoided hosting altogether, telling myself I wasn’t the entertaining type. But deep down, I missed bringing friends together in my home like “old times.”
I missed my former life.
Like so many things we learn when adjusting to life alone, solo hosting takes a little courage, a little planning and a willingness to stretch. But the good news is, it gets easier. Actually, it gets to be pretty fun.
Take my friend Sarah. She had been divorced for about a year when she decided to throw her first party alone. Her best friend was turning 60, and instead of meeting at a restaurant, Sarah wanted to do something more personal. “Nothing big,” she said. “Just a few friends, maybe some cake.”
Well, it turned into much more than that.
At first, Sarah was nervous. She worried her condo wasn’t big enough or stylish enough. She was anxious about the food, the music and the fact that she didn’t have a partner to help introduce old friends to new friends.
But once she got going — selecting a fun “Oldies but Goodies” theme, making a playlist, even serving fondue à la 1960s — her energy shifted. And when the sun set? Her patio glowed with string lights while guests let loose to “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire, including her sister who hadn’t danced in decades.
Sarah was radiant. “I forgot how much I love entertaining,” she told me.
So, if you’re thinking about gathering friends together this summer, I say go for it.
Start small. A potluck picnic is a perfect, low-pressure way to ease into solo hosting. And who doesn’t love a backyard get-together in warm weather with easy food and good company?
Here are 10 tips to help make your solo-hosting picnic smooth, relaxed, and enjoyable:
1. Enlist a Co-Host — Just because you’re hosting solo doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone. Invite a friend to be your co-host. He or she can help greet guests, find serving utensils and provide moral support if you start to worry whether you made enough guacamole.
2. Choose a Simple Theme — Themes add structure and fun without being fussy. Think “Summer Fiesta,” “Backyard BBQ,” or “Garden Party.” A theme gives guests a jumping-off point when planning what to wear or bring and helps you narrow down decorations and music choices.
3. Create a Guest List and Online Invite — Evite or even a group email will do the trick. Keep it casual, upbeat and clear. Let people know it’s a potluck picnic, the start time, and whether kids are welcome. Be sure to include your theme (if you have one) and any special notes, like “BYO lawn chair.”
4. Coordinate the Potluck — A little planning goes a long way. In your invitation, assign a category (salad, main, side, dessert, drink) and ask guests to reply with what they’re bringing. You can then easily manage any duplications by email. Simple.
5. Set the Scene Without Stressing — You don’t need to turn your backyard into a magazine spread. A few folding tables, some string lights or battery-powered candles, and fresh flowers from Trader Joe’s can transform your space. Launch your playlist, toss a few blankets on the lawn, and call it a day.
6. Keep the Menu Self-Serve — Buffet-style is the way to go. Set up stations: one for food, one for drinks. Stock a cooler with water and nonalcoholic options. Keeps things casual and let guests help themselves.
7. Include Something to Do (Besides Eating) — A game or two can help break the ice and give people a reason to move around. Think lawn games like cornhole or bocce ball. Last summer, I set up a badminton net and went old-school with croquet. Have fun!
8. Be Present, Not Perfect — No one cares if the napkins match or if you forgot to light the citronella candle. Your guests are there to enjoy your company, not critique your tablecloth. Relax and enjoy the moment. A dropped drink or a late arrival keeps things interesting.
9. Leave the Cleanup for Tomorrow — Consider leaving the big cleanup until the next day. Do the basics (like getting food inside and covering anything perishable), then pour yourself a drink and bask in the glow of what you just pulled off.
10. Do It Again — Seriously. Once you realize how doable and fun it is, you’ll want to throw another party. Hosting solo doesn’t have to feel lonely or hard. It can feel liberating, empowering — even thrilling.
So, if you’re on the fence about your first solo hosting experience, wondering whether it’s worth it … trust me, it is. Not just because you’ll have fun, but because you’ll remind yourself that your life, your home, and your friends are worth celebrating.
Start small. Keep it light. Feel the joy.
This summer, let yourself be the host who says, “I can do this.” Because you can!
Gwenn Voelckers is a certified life coach (CLC), columnist, and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. She welcomes your comments, questions, and inquiries at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com.