By Melissa Stefanec
MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
A little more than eight years ago, I became a mother. In the years since then, I have given my readers in a window into the madness and beauty I’ve encountered on my journey. Mothering is unique, in the truest sense of the word, in that no other job requires so much of you starting on Day 1.
With those larger-than-life expectations comes a desperation to learn as much as you can. That’s why parenting-advice articles are so popular; we’re all a little lost and in need of consultation.
In the 99 parenting columns preceding this one, I gave advice, shared successes and revealed failures; however, I often try to focus on what parenthood has taught me. Besides filling my life with love, being a mom has taught me more about myself, my marriage and my life than any other relationship or experience. My children have been catalysts of great change and my greatest teachers. It’s painfully corny but wildly accurate.
So, to celebrate making it this far, I want to share 100 pieces of parenting advice.
Some of these things are truisms that I couldn’t actually realize without the experience being a parent.
Said another way, some of these things are so simple that only children could make me understand them.
1. Celebrate the small wins
2. Move past small annoyances
3. Pick your battles
4. Pick your battles (redundancy intended)
5. Save your energy for the people that matter
6. Value experience above things
7. A child’s laughter is healing
8. Encourage laughter from others
9. Don’t take yourself too seriously (seriously)
10. The best things in life are derived from hard work
11. Define success by how you make others feel
12. Good moods are contagious (so are bad moods)
13. When someone falls, help them up
14. Love heals wounds
15. People hear what you do, not what you say
16. Coach free will, don’t squash it
17. Don’t miss an opportunity to show love
18. Strong people say I’m sorry
19. Say I’m sorry with the same conviction you say I love you
20. Make more time to play
21. Too much screen time makes for monsters (of any age)
22. Memories are formed by quality time, not quality gifts
23. Give people your undivided attention
24. Allow yourself time to wonder at the world around you
25. Make time for books
26. When you mess up, own up
27. After owning up, try to do better next time
28. Make others feel how you want to feel
29. Choose your friends wisely
30. Overscheduling leads to madness
31. Be ready to leave 10 minutes early
32. Remind the people in your life how much they matter
33. Make a sane schedule and stick to it
34. Wear your heart on your sleeve and others will reveal their hearts
35. Don’t tell jokes at another’s expense
36. But do tell lots of jokes
37. Go to bed early
38. Everyone has their own struggles
39. Everyone is a natural at something
40. Silliness is invaluable
41. Forgiveness is freeing
42. You can only play with so many toys
43. Double check your work
44. A good night’s sleep is great emotional medicine
45. Ask before you touch someone
46. Read body language, not words
47. Physical contact isn’t owed
48. Life is more fun when you share
49. When things get hard, love harder
50. Sometimes, you will yell; apologize
51. Don’t ask more of others than you’re willing to give
52. Be the bigger person and others will grow
53. Host dance parties in your living room
54. Matching is overrated
55. Take lots of pictures, but don’t lose the moment
56. When traveling, pack a change of clothes and some snacks
57. 75% of problems can be solved by sleep and food.
58. Tackle problems with a clear and open mind
59. Celebrate all of your birthdays
60. Most misdeeds are forgivable
61. Learning is an opportunity like no other
62. Keep asking questions
63. Respect others’ boundaries
64. When you see something beautiful, call attention to it
65. When you hurt someone, quickly say “I’m sorry”
66. Dress for the weather
67. Make lists; your memory will fail you
68. Value and employ organization
69. When someone is struggling, ask how you can help
70. Say thank you
71. Show your gratitude
72. Don’t force your hang-ups on others
73. Let parenting make you a better person
74. Sometimes, it’s ok to act like a wild animal
75. Be popular with the right people for the right reasons
76. Physical activity is integral to health
77. No one likes a tyrant, no matter the tyrant’s age
78. It’s better to laugh than get mad
79. But get mad about the right things
80. Plan for the worst; assume the best
81. Praise the good in people
82. Discipline from a place of kindness
83. Correct people to grow people not to belittle them
84. Take breaks when you need them
85. Taking deep breaths and counting to 10 actually is calming
86. Stay home when you’re sick
87. When someone says “stop,” stop
88. Smile at strangers
89. Smile at loved ones
90. Make people feel like they are worth coming home to
91. Taste buds change, so keep trying new things
92. Volunteer early in life, and it will be normal
93. Pets make for best friends
94. Make time to create things
95. Music and art are important (on so many levels)
96. Being outdoors fills up your soul
97. Speak to each other with respect and kindness, even if you don’t agree
98. As annoying as it can be, keep asking why
99. Life is painfully and beautifully short, so don’t take it too seriously (see #9)
100. Be kind to each other, to yourself, to other creatures and the planet you call home
To view Melissa Stefanec’s most recent columns, go to cnyhealth.com and select “Parenting” under the “Columnist” tab.