By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
Middle school and junior high are challenging times for many adolescents.
When I was that age, I was constantly looking for ways to stand out, while desperately trying to fit in.
It was a strange time.
I think many adolescents find themselves tackling some of the most challenging questions in life. Things like: Should I be myself? Should I be like my parents? Should I be like everyone else? What will people think? When should I break the rules?
When these existential questions became too much, I did what many young people do. I sought refuge in music. Music was a way to safely try on another identity. Music was a way to connect with friends. Music made it OK to feel wildly, uncontrollably happy. Music was a safe way to let the storm rage inside me.
Music made me think and feel deep things I was otherwise afraid to feel. Music helped me survive things I thought might crush me.
I know I’m not unique in my relationship with music. For many folks, music is critical to safely coming of age. And, as I watch my children come of age, it’s interesting to see how music is shaping and supporting their lives. It’s beautiful.
Both of my children play instruments and sing. Recently, my daughter has started participating in jam sessions. These are small sessions held at our local YMCA. They are put together by an inspired and dedicated music teacher. These sessions comprise small groups of young people of all ages. They don’t know each other. They’ve never played together before. They just sit down in a room and use what they know to start creating.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the value of these sessions. The more I ponder it, the more I realize these sessions are teaching my daughter some of the most important things she will learn in life.
These sessions are teaching her brain to do things that will be critical for the rest of her days. These jam sessions are brain food far beyond her understanding.
Here are just a few ways music and these jam sessions are wiring my daughter’s brain to tackle some of the most difficult aspects of growing up.
You have to know the rules.
Folks who have never jammed may think a jam session is lawless. It’s quite the opposite. In order to jam, you have to know a lot of rules. Knowing some basics about chords, structure and timing are essential. My daughter knows to be able to do these sessions, she has to learn the rules of music. You have to know the fundamentals to succeed.
Spontaneity is good for the soul.
Sitting down with a group of strangers and creating something is a daring venture. How do you create something meaningful with strangers? How do you work together in spontaneity? Making something up on the spot is really important in life. Many situations in life demand improvisation. You can’t be afraid of being adaptable and changing direction on a dime. Better to learn these skills while you’re young.
When you wander off path, you can always come back.
When you wander off in a jam session, beautiful things can happen. Scary things can also happen. The great thing about jamming is that when you wander off and mess up, you can always get back on track. Even if you are in a spot of chaos, things come back into order. We all need that reminder.
Creating something will always feed your soul.
Sometimes we forget we are on this earth to create — love, energy, kindness, food, art, music, structure, intentions, change. Jamming is a way to create something ephemeral.
Something delicious that is intangible. When you walk out of the room, the only thing you will take with you is a little soul food.
Sometimes things fall apart.
There are many times in life where you’re building something and it crumbles before your eyes. We humans hate it when things fall apart. We take it personal and sometimes let it defeat us. Jamming is a great reminder that when things fall apart, you can stop, regroup and salvage the good stuff.
Keep trying something new until it works.
When things fall apart, you can’t go back and do the same thing you were doing. You have to change, learn and iterate. You have to reinvent your strategy until the pieces start falling into place. When you can adapt and adjust, you are better suited to weather the storms of life.
You have to read strangers.
Sure, the YMCA is a safe space for my daughter. But she still has to be in a room with young people who are mostly strangers. She has to pick up their vibes, read their body language and anticipate their next moves. She has to sense relatively intangible cues and make decisions based on these cues. All of these skills are crucial to survival, especially for a young woman. Better she refine some of these skills while doing something she loves.
The take-aways
Besides being fun, these jam sessions are fortifying my daughter’s adolescence. Having a space to be free and experimental is proving to be crucial for her formative years, even if she doesn’t see it yet. I’m glad that music is helping her find safe passage into adulthood. Where would we be without music?