By Melissa Stefanec MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
As the parent of two children who enjoy making music, the end of the school year meant quite a few concerts.
The music in these concerts left much to be desired. My ears were accosted by squeaks and squawks, massively out-of-tune notes, early and late entries, rhythmless rhythms, painful syncopations and monotone singing.
Yet, I loved every second of those performances.
In all of that novice playing and terrible cacophony, there was such beauty. In fact, it was so beautiful, I found myself tearing up at several points. I wasn’t moved by the beauty of the music; I was moved by the beauty of their beginnings. Their novice playing reminded me how terribly important it is to be terrible at things.
As adults, we often forget that it’s OK to be bad at things. Most of us stick to things we are good at. Our brains are aging and less pliable, thus we’re less receptive to learning new things. Those rough-around-the-edges musical performances reminded me of something I’d almost forgotten: when you learn something new, you almost always start at terrible, and that’s OK.
The more I think about this concept, the more I think I should be talking to my kids about it. Most humans, regardless of their age, want to skip over terrible and move right on to talented.
But it doesn’t work like that.
When you learn something new, you’re training your brain and learning new habits. That’s really hard work, but it’s worth it.
These musical performances got me thinking about my role as a coach in my children’s lives. How do I help them understand the hard work is worth it? How do I help them see the beauty in the fumble and struggle? How do I model that behavior as a parent?
I don’t have all of the answers, but I have some ideas. Here are some ways to encourage your kids to embark on the journey from terrible to talented (and empowered).
The only way to believe they can do hard things is to do those things.
It seems so basic; yet it’s so hard to embrace. If we want our kids to believe in themselves, we need to give them proof they can do it. As coaches, we need to nudge our kids to do difficult things and come out on the other side.
When they start learning something new, that’s the worst they’ll ever be.
It doesn’t get any worse than day one, and there is a strange sort of solace in that. We should help our kids find that solace. We need to reinforce that practice will make them better, and better will feel good. There’s nowhere to go but up.
They’ll feel more pride than they thought possible.
We should teach our kids that they don’t need to wait until mastery to feel proud of themselves. There is no accomplishment too small to feel proud of. We need to help them see how their small accomplishments add up to meaningful and great achievements. However, the small accomplishments are where the most joy can be found.
When they look back, they’ll be impressed by how far they’ve come.
We can help our kids understand how far they’ve come if we actually track their progress. We can help them track their progress in a notebook, photographs, videos or an app. If we let them see for themselves where they were a week, month or year ago, they will feel better about today. The evidence will help them inspire themselves.
When they start out with a team, that team gets less terrible together.
Sometimes, progress is bigger than one person. When our kids are part of bands, teams or groups, we should strive to help them see the beauty in collective progress. When people work hard and make progress together, they accomplish beautiful and meaningful things.
Learning doesn’t stop when they’re a grownup, so practice now.
As parents, we need to reinforce that learning is a lifelong practice. There isn’t a certain age where someone magically knows everything. We need to model that it’s OK to be terrible at something when one is 8 years old or 88 years old. We need to demonstrate we’re lifelong learners who are still terrible at things and help them see how awesome that is.
The act of learning is likely more fun than the act of mastery.
When they’re learning something new, they’re free to fail at it. As parents, it’s our job to coach our kids on how to enjoy the ride. Mastery can be a tedious exercise, but starting a new journey is an act of optimism and hope. We can help our kids see that light.
Conclusion
The next time your kid is hesitant to be terrible at something, remind them how cool it is to be terrible and what they will get out of the journey to good. Learning something new and getting better at it can actually be a lot of fun. Let’s talk to our kids about the beauty in beginnings and help them see all of the beautiful possibilities that lie in the terrible beginnings.