By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
A certain concept has made the rounds in many parenting circles. I don’t know how I feel about this concept. At best, it seems defeatist. At worst, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that destroys what should be some of the best moments of our adult lives.
The concept is this: it’s not really a vacation if your non-grown children are with you. Children make vacations so demanding that it’s impossible to truly enjoy yourself.
I just can’t buy into this. Don’t get me wrong; when I vacation with friends or my husband and the kids aren’t around, I do tend to have a less-demanding vacation. However, I see vacation with kids as a different version of fun, but not a lesser version.
I don’t want to distract from the fact that kids make vacationing stressful. But there is another side to vacationing with kids. There is the laughter and unbridled joy. There is the break from routine. There is the opportunity to get to know each other better. Vacationing with kids is fodder for some of the best memories of our lives.
But how do you make that so? Can you vacation well without taking a vacation from parenting? I don’t have all of the answers. But I do have some parenting hacks that avoid or redirect stressful moments. Here are some of those hacks.
• Include your kids in the planning.
If your kids can talk, they can be included in the planning. Many family fights stem from a perceived lack of control. Bring your family into the planning process. Give everyone small choices. For example, let one child pick which ice cream stand to stop at. Let each child and parent pick an activity. Give everyone a little say and people tend to be satisfied.
• Train them to pack.
Even if your kids can’t read yet, they can pack. I’ve been giving my kids packing lists from an early age. At one point, those lists were numbers and pictures. Bringing the kids into the planning process may seem like more work at first, but it will pay out in the long run.
• Clearly communicate what needs to be done and when.
Getting out of the house and packed up to leave have to be two of the most stressful events in any family vacation. Clearly communicate what needs to be done and by what time. Make lists. Hold yourself and your family accountable. Plan to finish packing early. If there is any time to be serious about deadlines and expectations, this is that time.
• No matter how old your kids are, pack baby wipes.
There will be messy faces and hands. There will be car spills and smears. There will be dirt. Someone will get bug repellent on their fingers. Someone will get sunscreen in their eyes. Someone will get sweaty or have to blow their nose. Whatever the minor trauma, baby wipes will rescue you.
• Pack a small first-aid kit.
This kit can just be some essentials in a zip-top bag. I swear by the following lineup: pain relievers, antibiotic cream, bandages, a few alcohol wipes, motion-sickness medicine, oral antihistamine, a tick spoon, a travel ice pack, anti-itch cream or spray, antacids and eye drops. It may seem like a lot, but this combination of items will have you prepped for almost any family first-aid need.
• Break the rules while staying firm.
Vacations are about indulgence. But, we all know overindulgence leads to bad behavior and displeasure. Let everyone break the rules, but do it in a planned and structured way. For example, let the kids stay up past their bedtime, but still set a bedtime (and stick to it). Eat ice cream for dinner one night. Let the kids play the rigged claw machine but set a clear budget for the claw machine. Do things you wouldn’t usually do, but set firm boundaries.
• Set expectations with others.
If you’re vacationing with other people, clue them into your planning and schedules. Clearly communicate expectations about meals, screen time, nap schedules, activities, fears, phobias and off-limits topics. The clearer you are with everyone, the less likely folks will be to get frustrated with each other.
• Limit screen time.
What kind of monster would limit screen time during vacation? The kind of monster who doesn’t want little monsters destroying the positive vacationing vibes. Too much time on phones or tablets makes kids short-tempered and prone to melting down. Be firm about how much time kids can engage with electronics and what they are allowed to watch on them. You won’t regret doing this. Trust me.
• Be the hype master.
Before the trip and before events, keep things positive. Talk about how fun or interesting activities will be. Don’t frame less-desirable aspects of the trip as something negative. Try to see the good in every aspect and broadcast that positivity to others. If you set up the car ride to be miserable and long, the car ride will be miserable and long.
• Bring emergency toys.
When we travel, I always pack emergency toys. Those toys aren’t just for the kids. I bring stuff like sidewalk chalk, drawing notebooks, foam footballs, beach buckets, a deck of cards, mini board games or a frisbee. You never know when you will find yourself stuck somewhere for too long. Having a few toys will keep children and adults in a better headspace.
• Hack a smile.
Here’s hoping these hacks help you vacation a little calmer and happier. And, if all else fails, just fake it until you make it. Many stressful moments can be solved with a sense of humor, a little resilience and a big smile.