By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
For most kids, summer vacation is a time of fewer obligations.
It’s a time for kids to relax and relish in life, at least until all of that relaxing isn’t fun anymore. The peace of a foregone school is short lived. If you’re a parent and your kids are still in your house, you can cue the woeful complaints of boredom. If you’re anything like me, you’re likely to go from empathetic, to frustrated, to over it in just a few short days.
Boredom is a difficult emotion, especially for kids. I distinctly remember the pain of boredom as a child. My busy brain wanted stimulation. Boredom often gnawed away at my contentment. As a child, it felt almost physically painful to be bored.
Most children find boredom to be a wildly uncomfortable state. But boredom is necessary. As a child, if I had learned to sit with my feelings, be present in the moment, and rely on myself for meaningful stimulation, things would be different.
I want things to be different for my children. I want them to develop social and mental skills that will last them a lifetime. But learning to navigate boredom isn’t easy for kids (or for adults).
So, when my kids inevitably start singing the great “bored-elujah” chorus, I need to have a multifaceted plan to diffuse the situation and build both mother and child’s character.
Here is that plan. When it inevitably falls short, I will have a written record that I tried and a what-not-to-do list for next year. Here are my planned comebacks for: “I’m bored.”
• Response 1: “Let’s go to the library.”
It’s hard to be bored when you are reading a book. Within reason, I let them pick anything they want. Sure, that mass-produced graphic novel may not be nominated for a Newbery medal, but neither is the Sports Illustrated or latest bodice ripper that adults can’t put down. I can let them have a little literary sugar.
• Response 2: “Bored kids get assigned weeding.”
Sure, this isn’t the classiest comeback, but weeds are persistent. Perhaps, they are even more persistent than my children’s boredom. If you’ve got time to be bored, you’ve got time to weed. Am I right?
• Response 3: “Let’s be bored together.”
The fact that actions speak louder than words is the bane of parenting. However, if I want to teach my kids that being bored is totally benign, I should offer to be bored with them. Come to think of it, I’m dying for a little boredom. So, why not indulge the concept?
• Response 4: “How are you going to change that?”
I can put the ball in their court. If my children learn other people are responsible for their amusement, boredom will be a bad thing for the rest of their days. My kids need to understand that they are in charge of their own amusement sometimes. They need to practice doing things to make themselves content.
• Response 5: “Did you finish everything on your list?”
Most vacation days, my kids have a list of things they need to accomplish. That list includes things like chores, activities, routine tasks, and fun things. I usually let them have some command over when things get done. Sure, these lists take time to make, but they save me time and sanity in the end.
• Response 6: “What’s one thing you’ve been wanting to build, make, design-record this summer?”
I want to give my kids purpose. Maybe that purpose is making a photobook or a tree fort. Maybe that purpose is designing an outdoor game that the world has never heard of or making a dream home out of boxes for our cats. I need to nudge them to create and see what they find.
• Response 7: “Why don’t you cook or bake something you love?”
Cooking is a valuable life skill. When I give my kids permission to make whatever food they want, they will usually take the task head-on. So what if it means the oven is on when it’s 85F outside? It beats the heat of whining, complaining and bickering.
• Response 8: “Why don’t you do or make something nice for someone you love?”
When my kids don’t know what to do with themselves, perhaps they can do something nice for someone else. They could pick up the phone, write a letter, send a few texts, draw a picture, or make something wonderful for someone they love.
• Response 9: “I understand how bad being bored can feel”
Sometimes, when my kids complain, I think they are looking for support more than direction. The least I can do for my bored kids is give commiserating a try. Maybe being heard will be enough.
• Response 10: “It’s OK to be bored.”
I will have to repeat this until it sticks. Being bored isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually permission to wonder, dream, plan, and take solace in the fact that nothing stressful or bad is happening. Boredom is a chance to be peaceful or take on a meaningful task. Boredom is a restful state. I hope I can teach my kids to entertain, indulge, and be grateful for it.