Reflections on authenticity, aging and our wild and precious days ahead
By Gwenn Voelckers
There’s a moment that often comes after a divorce, the death of a spouse or another major life transition when we look around our home and quietly think:
What now?
For many people living alone for the first time after a loss, home can suddenly feel unfamiliar. The rooms may still hold echoes of the past — familiar routines, meaningful memories or simply the lingering presence of another person in our lives.
Even if the house itself hasn’t changed, we have.
And that’s why I believe creating a home that truly reflects who you are today is one of the most healing and empowering things you can do.
Our homes matter deeply. They are not just places where we eat and sleep. They shape our moods, our energy, our habits and even our identity. A joyful, authentic home reminds us that our lives are still unfolding — that beauty, comfort, creativity and growth are not reserved for couples or families.
They belong to us, too.
When I first began living alone after my divorce, I approached my home almost as if I were a renter. I maintained it, cleaned it and paid the bills, but I wasn’t really living in it. I was preserving a life that no longer fit.
Over time, however, I discovered something important: living alone successfully isn’t just about independence. It’s about creating a space that supports and reflects the person you are becoming.
Today, my home feels deeply personal to me.
My perennial garden greets me at the front door. Bird feeders hang outside my kitchen and desk windows. Photos of loved ones and travel mementoes surround me. My drum set is tucked in among my living room furniture. And flameless candles offer ambient lighting in every room.
Nothing is perfect, but it feels like me.
Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way.
Surround Yourself with Things That Make You Happy
When you live alone, your environment matters enormously because you experience it so directly every single day.
That doesn’t mean your home needs to look like a magazine spread. It means it should contain things that make your heart feel lighter, calmer, happier or more alive.
Years ago, I bought a set of luminous pastel drinking glasses at a tiny antique shop in the Finger Lakes region. I certainly didn’t need them, and at the time I probably couldn’t fully afford them.
But something about their beauty stopped me in my tracks. To this day, they still make me smile when I use them.
Happiness matters.
Let Go of Everything That Doesn’t ‘Spark Joy’
Author and organizer Marie Kondo famously encouraged us to ask whether an object “sparks joy.” At first, I thought the idea sounded a little corny. Then I tried it.
And I realized how much emotional weight we quietly carry in our homes.
Living alone often gives us the opportunity to reassess not only our belongings, but also the stories attached to them.
After my divorce, there were items I kept simply because I always had. Furniture that no longer suited me. Decorative pieces that belonged to my parents. Closets filled with things from another chapter of my life.
Little by little, I began letting go.
I remember finally donating a formal set of dinnerware — a wedding gift — that had spent years untouched in a cabinet. I had been saving it for “special occasions,” yet the life I was living didn’t call for this formality. Releasing it felt freeing.
Letting go is about more than decluttering. It’s about making emotional and physical room for the life you want now.
If something continually reminds you of pain, obligation, guilt or a version of yourself that no longer fits . . . let it go!
Create Spaces That Inspire, Lift You Up and Encourage Growth
Over the years, I’ve noticed that my home often reflects what’s going on inside me emotionally.
A neglected, uninspiring environment can slowly drain our energy. But a nurturing space can encourage creativity, healing, confidence and even hope.
Years ago, I created a morning routine in my living room: before sunrise, I would settle into my couch, turn on one of my flameless candles and meditate instead of looking at my phone or the news.
That little routine changed more than my mornings. It changed my mindset.
I became calmer. More reflective. More intentional about how I moved through my day.
When we live alone, our homes become “partners” in our well-being. They can either support our growth — or work against it.
Choose support.
Without Looking Back, Design the Home of Your Dreams — and Your Future Self
This may be the most important lesson of all.
One of the challenges of living alone after loss or divorce is the temptation to remain emotionally frozen in the past. We keep the house exactly the same. We preserve old dynamics. We hesitate to claim the space fully as our own.
But what if your home became a reflection not of who you were, but of who you are becoming?
Our homes can help us move forward.
A Final Thought
Creating a joyful home while living alone is not about perfection or expensive decorating.
It’s about surrounding yourself with things, colors, spaces and experiences that reflect your true values and nourish your spirit. It’s about feeling at home in your own life.
So, if you’re living alone and wondering where to begin, start small. Clear a corner. Plant a flower. Rearrange a room. Buy that beautiful bowl. Open the curtains. Light the candle.
Make your space your own.
Because when you truly love where you live, it becomes easier to embrace the life you’re now living.
Gwenn Voelckers is a certified life coach (CLC), columnist and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. She welcomes your comments, questions, and inquiries at gvoelckers@rochester.rr.com