By Melissa Stefanec | MelissaStefanec@yahoo.com
If you are planning a Mother’s Day celebration for the special mom(s) in your life look no further.
But before I share my pro tips with you, you have to sit through a history lesson.
Since 1914, Mother’s Day has been a national holiday in the United States. The creation of this holiday was championed by a woman named Anna Jarvis, who took her inspiration from minor celebrations that honored mothers.
Jarvis advocated for a national holiday honoring women, since most existing holidays celebrated men.
She coordinated her first, official Mother’s Day celebration in 1908 at a local church. The goal of this day of observation was to recognize the sacrifices made by mothers. After that celebration in 1908, Jarvis kept campaigning. Her holiday caught on and President Woodrow Wilson created a federal holiday in 1914.
Why am I bothering you with this rather unexciting history lesson?
Because it gets a lot more interesting.
Jarvis grew to despise the monster that her well-intended creation became. Once Mother’s Day became a national holiday, the wolves of capitalism and commercialism circled Mother’s Day like the spring fawn it was. Jarvis, disgusted with what her modest celebration had become, started actively campaigning against Mother’s Day.
She started suing businesses that were profiteering off the holiday, litigating flower shops, candy makers and other businesses and organizations. She even pushed to have Mother’s Day removed as a federal holiday.
Jarvis was unsuccessful in rescinding the holiday (and reversing its commercialization). However, her spirit lives on in every mom who dreads Mother’s Day just a little bit. I am one of those mothers.
Some people may wonder why a mother would dread Mother’s Day, but it’s really quite easy. Mother’s Day is often just another day for mothers to plan, coordinate, wrangle and engage. Sure, flowers, chocolates, brunches and little gifts are nice. But most moms don’t get what they really want — a break from the demands.
I know that most gentlemen out there want their mothers, mother figures, partners and mothers of their children to have a nice Mother’s Day. The problem is, commercialization and profiteering have taken the reins.
Common knowledge would have you believing that moms want flowers, jewelry, restaurant meals, fine confections, makeup or accessories. All of those things are fine.
If that is what the lady in your life truly wants, please deliver.
However, I will wager most moms don’t want to be showered in gifts or attend a lunch at a chaotic restaurant. I think most moms want two things: to be able to decompress and to feel loved and valued.
So, if you are looking to make Mother’s Day beautiful for your own mother or partner, here are three easy steps to make that happen.
Ask her what she wants that can’t be bought
Challenge the mom in your life to tell you what non monetary gift she would ask for if she knew she could have just about anything. Would it be a whole day spent with her loved ones where she didn’t cater to anyone? Would it be a whole morning alone to drink tea and read a novel? Would it be a solo hike to clear her head? Would it be an activity without her young children? Would it be to have help around the house with something she has been putting off? Would it be to have you accompany her to an event she loves? There are a lot of options, but you will never know if you don’t ask.
Ask her what her ideal Mother’s Day looks like
And don’t let her off easy with answers like, “anything the family wants to do” or “I just want to spend time with my kids” or “I have to figure out what my mother or mother-in-law wants to do.” Press her on the topic. If she is struggling to find an answer, ask her what her ideal Mother’s Day doesn’t entail. Maybe it’s food prep. Maybe it’s traveling to three different places. Whatever it is, don’t let it happen. Make sure her Mother’s Day is full of things she wants and not full of things she doesn’t want.
After you listen to her, make and execute the plans for the day
Once you’ve asked some questions and listened to the responses, get into planning mode. I can say with almost certainty that most moms want a break from their many obligations. Most moms don’t want to plan, shop, call, coordinate and throw a party that is meant to honor the many sacrifices they make for their families. As an important person in your mother’s or partner’s life, you should take charge (as long as she is OK with that).
The mass commercialization and overplanning of Mother’s Day can make the holiday feel forced, trite or stressful.
When Anna Jarvis envisioned a holiday to honor mothers, she wanted to honor the many sacrifices mothers made for their families.
Perhaps the greatest sacrifice and gift our mothers give us is the gift of their time. So, this year, listen to the moms in your life. Then give them the gift of your time.